Omicron – Thoughts on the Amazing New Cigarette

It’s not a catastrophe, it’s a new substance that could shake the tobacco industry to its foundations! We know enough about it that it’s changed the world’s view of the future, and we’re breaking down all of the latest and greatest facts about it here:

We All Love cigars;

– About 15% of Americans own between 20 and 25 cigarettes each day;

– There are about 1 billion pack smokers;

– The use of tobacco among young people is increasing rapidly;

– About a third of all cancer deaths annually come from smoking;

– Fourteen out of 10 tobacco companies in the U.S. are planning to discontinue cigarette production in 2018. – The new novelty will be called Omicron, and could be equivalent to cigarettes to which corded cell phones are similar;

– The news of their invention has been reported by a number of financial media outlets, including the Wall Street Journal, as well as major newspapers in other countries;

– The exact composition of Omicron is being kept secret for security purposes;

– Nicotine is not made of pure carbon, so it’s not possible to know what Omicron might actually be made of;

– It’s even possible that actual dirt could be put into Omicron to enhance its nicotine content;

– It’s already illegal to call it a cigarette, so Omicron, which will also be known as “re-thins” will most likely be called “synthetic cigarettes” instead;

– We have no idea whether nicotine will be able to survive in Omicron, so we can expect a flood of lawsuits with disastrous unintended consequences;

– Starting on January 1, 2020, it will be illegal to have more than 10 packs of Omicron per person in the U.S. – Then what will happen? – People may smoke a lot of them, but it’ll be a long time before the nicotine is knocked out and they are even legal in the U.S. – We know this to be true because the major tobacco companies in China are already working on smoking “cessation plans” to make up for any lost cigarette revenue, and it’s getting harder and harder to find cigarettes as they become rarer. – In fact, some experts predict that some of these plans may succeed because they allow people to stop smoking and switch to vaping;

– Remarkably, as many as 40% of people who have smoked cigarettes before switch to “nicotine replacement therapies” to quit, so no matter what you call it, or how far society wants to get away from it, we know that it’s a habit that won’t go away just because there’s no nicotine in it;

– It’s possible that in many cases, reduced nicotine levels might actually enhance health benefits, because there’s not enough nicotine to cause lung problems.

– According to some experts, they see an upswing in cardiac and other diseases, such as diabetes and asthma as people chew on smaller, weaker cigarettes. – If this is true, this might explain the decline in death rates among current smokers – but, of course, this will have to be analyzed in more detail;

– The smoking rate is currently 20% to 30% lower than it was 30 years ago, but we still have many smokers and people who still can’t quit;

– Though smoking is illegal, we know that people still smoke, whether because of the stigma and law, or because there’s not enough nicotine in the cigarettes to replace what’s missing;

– Researchers and lawmakers are already advocating for legislation that would make Omicron illegal, but there’s a battle between the moralists and the health mavens;

– Because of their newness, it’s not clear whether there will be a market for them, but the company who made the technology claims that its artificial taste enhancer is more flavorful than tobacco cigarettes, the two substances that are so popular with people;

– Gwyneth Paltrow has already taken a liking to Omicron, as have other celebrities including film director Clint Eastwood, actresses Jennifer Lopez and Angelina Jolie, and several lawmakers;

– We’re pretty sure California will be next on the list, so maybe this company is nothing more than a potential private/public relations tool to convince the State’s health professionals to endorse its revolutionary product;

Leave a Comment